Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
