Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you had me at cake vodka
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
