I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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