I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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