dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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