dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
