walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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