Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish you could order shots online.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
