Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
