Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
