No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
