Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
