I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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