She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i would punch a child for taco bell
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
