happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
