Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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