so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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