My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
