Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
