I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
