one two three fourrrrnication!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
