What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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