my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
