I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
