There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
