I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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