I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
