Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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