I just made out with a guy for $7.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
