You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
