Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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