she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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