you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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