Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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