I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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