somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
