Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So apparently I’m into choking now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
