Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
