why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
