3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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