My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
