it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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