Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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