it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
