I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
