I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
