My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
