i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
