ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
