he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
