Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
