I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
