There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
