My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
